Sometimes, in the Waldorf world, terms like these are thrown around as part of everyday language. But it’s not always clear what we’re talking about, and there are a lot of different views to understand things that can seem pretty complicated.
The Waldorf understanding of child development is something I’m pretty passionate about, and this ‘nine-year-old change’ is one of the biggies. When I last taught Class Two then Three, I worked a lot with my parents to help them really understand this big developmental shift and how to work with our children along the way, rather than against them.
I think the biggest thing to remember with any developmental change, however, is that different children experience things differently – some will have an extreme, dramatic version, and others will hardly notice a thing. Regardless, it is always helpful as adults to understand what’s going on and how we can best support our children and families through this change. So, what’s this change all about?
If you have an 8-10 year old, or have spent any significant time with children this age, have you ever noticed:
- Fluctuations between baby, childish behaviour and the behaviour of a 14-year-old adolescent- sometimes within 5 minutes!
- Alienation – nobody likes me, even my teacher! I have no friends!
- Adults fall off their pedestals – the child begins to see them warts-and-all. This can upset the child or scare them, and they may pull back and become aloof or critical.
- Fear of Death and nightmares, even if they’ve never experienced these before
- Questions about their place in the world – ‘Are you really my mum?’ ‘Am I adopted?’
- Seriously painful, challenging, social situations that seem to be virtually impossible to solve
These are just some of the signs that a child is going through the ‘nine-year-old-change’. Steiner talked about this developmental shift as the ‘Crossing of the Rubicon’, referring to the Roman river that, once crossed, one can never return to the other side.
Children this age experience something similar – they leave behind the early childhood feeling of oneness with the world, security, and imagination – and arrive in a place where suddenly the world is very real and sometimes very harsh. They are filled with questions of ‘where is my place here?’ ‘Why are things this way when they could be different/better?’, ‘Who are you to be an expert?’ – questions that can be reminiscent of adolescent questions and critiques.
The Rubicon can be a challenging period for parents, teachers, and children alike. So, what are some of the key things to remember as the adults in this space to best support your child?
- They are still children (even if behaving like mini-teenagers!) – they need love and reassurance, not arguments or intellectual explanations. This one can be the hardest to do in practice, especially if your child has a way with words and is good at appearing older than they are!
- Respect their privacy – this might be the first time they want alone time, a shut door, or their own hobbies – allow them the space to explore these things
- Be extra mindful of comments about appearance – especially with girls! Don’t comment on your own weight or her appearance, aside from the positive. If there’s a tendency towards plumpness, subtly encourage movement and healthy eating.
- Develop a thick skin- “I hate you” can be responded to with “That’s okay, I’ll love you enough for the both of us.”
So many things characterise the good and bad of this time, but at the end of the day, it’s about recognising what’s going on and responding to it with love and understanding.
As part of the work I did with my class parents in Class 2/3 to prepare for the Rubicon, I worked with a wonderful nurse to put together a booklet with a whole lot more detail than I’ve included here on signs of the change and how to work with it, as well as home nursing therapies to support children working through the change. I’m happy to share this if it would be any use to you, just email me at hello@waldorfthisway.com (or use the contact form at the bottom of this page) and I’ll send it back to you ✨